thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
