I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
