we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Randomize