At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
