You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
