Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
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