not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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