Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
