peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize