Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
