I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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