Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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