when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
