oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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