Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
