Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
