drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
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