Whod you bang
3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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