I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
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