i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
