Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
how drunk are you?
Several
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
