I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
