I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Randomize
