I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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