I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
