Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
why is half of my head shaved?
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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