I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
