I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Randomize
