we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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