the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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