He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
