Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
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I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
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Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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