He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
