I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
