Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
What a dumb baby whore.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
