Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Where are you?
In a non slutty way
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I wish you could order shots online.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Randomize
