I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
