But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
