Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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