I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
we're so committed to being not committed
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
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