it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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