Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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