I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Randomize
