seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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