I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
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