Need sex. Gaining weight.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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