Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
