I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
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