i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
