**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
