He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Just pee around me
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
