It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Randomize
