I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
