Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
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when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
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He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
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