I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
