We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Randomize
