I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
