I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
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