My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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