Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
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