even my farts smell like vagina
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Randomize
