k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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