he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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