I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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