im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
